Where Did I go??

Standard

Well there is no point in counting down how many posts I have put in or how many I have to go to reach my goal….clearly I blew it!   I had my reasons though, I promise.   I do have a few drafts I wrote but never posted as I they were filled with anger I decided not to make waves.

So where did I go?  In a box I guess. I sort of packed myself up and put myself on a shelf for a while, okay a long while.  I am slowly peeking out of the box just to see if it is safe to come out yet.  I’m looking around, cautiously, I need to make sure I won’t be attacked by a local alligator…(apparently that really could happen lately with 5 of them found around the island and 2 of them being local to me!)  Hiding out for a while seemed to be my only way out.  I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do but it was the right thing for me to do.

Since my last post, 9 months ago, some things changed and some things just stayed the same. I am now working full-time, I was promoted to the Assistant Store Manager position at my job.  I love it but am definitely tired.  Standing for 8 or 9 hours a day is a lot on my poor legs  (stupid Lupus!)  but I truly enjoy my interactions with my customers.  I definitely have a fun job most days.  I still run into the customer that assumes because I work in retail I must be an uneducated, no work experience idiot. Sometimes I want to hang my resume around my neck and greet people by saying, “Welcome to GameStop where I CHOOSE to work and yes I have a brain, how can I help you today?”   It wasn’t my life goal I sort of just stepped into it by chance.  But I am the lucky one, my job makes me happy 99% of the time.  Something I learned after being sick, live life!  I am going to do what makes me happy.  I was given a second chance and I am trying to make it count.   So when you go into a retail store, remember they might just have good reasons for choosing that profession and either way they are real people.

I ended up resigning from my officers position where I volunteer as an EMT and pretty much being scarce from the building.   With everything that happened my love for it is still so  clouded.  It’s hard to believe next month will be a whole year!  Sadly, I allowed people to take from me the one thing that I loved the most and did just for myself which makes me so angry.  I am not an angry person nor do I like myself as an angry person and that makes me angrier.  For so many things I have  done and accomplished in my life I used to see myself as a strong person and yet I still find myself in a box-on a shelf hiding from those who hurt me.  I started this blog as a healing process for myself that wasn’t written in an angry status on Facebook.   My blogs were  being thrown in my face and I was told I wasn’t allowed to talk on any social network.  As far as I can tell this isn’t a social network, it’s Just Me Jewel trying to figure things out.  I guess only time will tell, although a year in my book is more than I am willing to sit in a box for.

As I sit here and determine whether or not I will actually post this blog or will is just sit like the others, I hear the hurtful words said to me in my head as clear as the day they were said to me and begin to crawl back into the box.   Am I strong enough to just take that leap off the shelf or is it just safer to stay in the background with my unlit tiki  after being kicked off the island?  I still find it funny since non of this ever really had anything to do with me.

I guess at the moment I will stay teetering on the edge of the shelf.

“Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.” –  Eckhart Tolle

Just Me Jewel

Just Stopping In

Standard

March 23,2012

Good morning all.  I know its been a while and I have a lot of catching up to do.  I am happy to say I can now blog on the go with my kindle fire, so hopefully this will give me more of an opportunity to keep up.  I had my reasons for not blogging which I’ll get in to another day. 

I am hoping to get back into it now.  I have come to the conclusson that this is my blog and I started it so I could write how I was feeling without being told I couldn’t.  I allowed someone to tell me differently but not anymore.  I promise to catch you all up asap.  I hope you are all doing well a lot has changed for me over the last few weeks but that is a good thing.  Ill talk to you all soon.

Have great day!

Keeping Kids Clean

Standard

Busy Busy girl!

I am once again floored at what I see in the world.  Was I raised in a bubble?  No.  I just didn’t get involved in the drug scene.  Thank God!  I had friends who did drugs in front of me and I always opted not to do them.  Yes I drank, sometimes so much I made myself sick, but I never had an interest in doing any hard-core drugs.

I know that they are everywhere but I guess with what I do with my free time I get to see what is really going on out there in the world.  I started thinking, is it just my town?  Is it bad that we live here?  I feel a little better when I looked up the statistics on drugs in my town.  We are pretty much where most other towns are.  My old town is 3X higher so I guess we are not doing so bad.  I am guessing I  just see it now  from being an EMT.  Thankfully they are not the people I associate with.

It really scares me for my children though.  As an advisor for our Youth Squad I pray these kids learn everything they can to stay away from drugs and alcohol abuse.   I am going to try to get someone in to talk to the kids.  I would like the share with them the number of people who are dying each day, young and old, from abuse.   Our school used to have the DARE program but they don’t do it anymore.  Daytop is building a  facility on school grounds for our students.  Do we really have enough students abusing drugs?  That’s a scary thought!  Really has it gotten worse or has it always been this way?

I thank God for the way my parents raised me and the friends I choose to hang out with.  I can only hope and pray that I can keep my children free from abuse and help them make the right choices in life.  I am as involved in their lives as much as a parent can be.  I am pleased to say that most of my children’s friends are the kids from our Youth Squad.  I know them well and I know their families.  I don’t let my kids go roaming around town, walking the streets like some of the kids I see that used to be friends with my son.  But I can’t be with them 24 hours a day, so I need to make sure they make the right decisions on their own as well.

I know that the time will come that my children will be around alcohol, I was a kid once too.  But I will make damn sure to educate them about being responsible.  I will be the parent that will pick them up without punishment before I let them get in a car with alcohol!  I may not like it, I don’t condone it but I am not stupid either and would rather them be alive!  Not only that my youngest will have to know how to cover his insulin so he will know the carbs of a beer too!  Things you have to think of as a grownup.  We all were told of the risks of smoking, drinking and doing drugs.

“We all know that as teens we thought we knew it all!” – Just Me Jewel

In My Dreams

Standard

Day Okay maybe I won’t keep a running count!

I love reading supernatural type books.  Ghosts, vampires, witches, whatever.  I started reading the Harry Potter books to my son years ago.   I ended up reading them all to myself, he never read them just skipped right to the movies.   Yes, I read all of the Twilight books before seeing the movies and I truly enjoyed them.  I love envisioning the unnatural.  Since then I have read several different series.  Most of these books are found in the young adult section.  I am not a Harlequin Romance hot and heavy type.  One of my favorite adult series was  the “Undead” series by Mary Janice Davidson.  From the beginning of the book I laughed out loud so much my husband started to read them as well.  The most recent series I am reading starts with “Born At Midnight” by CC Hunter.  In the book the main character dreamscapes by entering the dreams of another character.  Dreamscaping or sometimes called lucid dreams means basically you control your dreams.

It made me wonder, if this was really possible.  I had sworn in the past this has happened to me.  I swear this person would occasionally enter my dreams and would be there while the rest of my dream was happening around us.  Odd right?  The other thing that had happened several times was a visit from my grandmother who has passed.  Again, I would be talking to her while my dream was happening in the background.  Sometimes there was a real message from her others it was just to show me some love when I needed her.

I have always known my Grandmother was watching over me.  My husband knew I believed so much it was her he asked for to show him a sign of hope when I was on life support.  It was then when the numbers on my monitor had improved.  He did that again when the numbers returned to their original setting and again, they showed signs of hope.  Just before her husband passed away she came to me again to say she wouldn’t be around as much, she was waiting for him to arrive.  I still dream of her but not often.  Thinking of this last night while I was saying my prayers, I asked God for her.  I asked to see her in my dreams.  Sure enough, when I awoke this morning my eyes popped open, Grandma had come to see me.   I miss having my grandparents.  It makes me feel good to know they are always watching.  Although my children and my husband haven’t met them, I am sure they know my family.

“I close my eyes, then I drift away, into the magic night I softly say. A silent prayer, like dreamers do, then I fall asleep to dream my dreams of you.” – Roy Orbison

Keeping Busy

Standard

Day I don’t know, I’ll have to reconfigure!

I know I vowed to post a new blog daily but apparently that just isn’t in the realm of possibilities right now.  So, I vow to post a blog a few times a week.  This way I am not feeling guilty about skipping a day of two when needed.  I will try to still keep a running count of days even though they won’t actually match up with the number of posts.  Oh well, I’m not going to sweat it.

Work has been busy and I have been getting a lot more hours lately.  This is great as I do need the money and I truly love my job.  I’m still an officer and a volunteer with the ambulance company of course, however my time there is definitely shortened as well.  There is only 24 hours in a day and only so much I can physically do in a day as well.  Plus my kids need a mom and that’s the best job of them all, so blogging will just have to get done when I have the time to do it.

I am feeling so much better lately, knocking on wood, as far as the stressful things in my life.  I am loving my chief for that.  Hopefully things will stay that way.  I just have to get my body to forget about its ailments and I’ll really be happy! Now If I could only win the lottery!  Le t me tell you, there is not much on channels 2-11 unless you want to know if it’s the baby’s daddy which I find to horrible to watch!  It’s funny when you think you don’t watch a lot of the many channels you pay extra for each month, how much you miss them when they are gone.  They are going to have to come back even for the little times I sit to watch TV!

“I believe the term “blog” means more than an online journal. I believe a blog is a conversation. People go to blogs to read AND write, not just consume.” – Michael Arrington

A lot of days to go.

To Smart to Start

Standard

Day 73

Spending some time at our local foodmart, I am amazed at the things that I have learned.  Forget the normal grocery items being sold first thing in the morning.  Yes,coffee and cigaretts are sold in abundance but that is about the only “normal” morning ritual some people have.  I can’t believe how many people skip the coffee and go right to the six-pack of beer!  Talk about breakfast of champions!   Along with the beer, the number one seller of the store, cigars.  Not that these people are actually smoking the tobacco that is in the cigar.

In addition,  there is a new legal form of marijuana that you can sell in stores.  Who knew?  They are packaged in these little jars each one with a different name.  How do they get away with it?  Easy they are sold as insence and are clearly marked not for human consumption.  Although on one, it also says highly potent.  The real meaning of them, they apparently are smokable.  I asked a little about them just out of curiousity, getting high is not someing I do personally nor is beer for breakfast but to each is own.  I was told that these incense when you smoke them give you a high, I guess it is like a marijuana high, but slightly different.  You have to be over 19 to purchase them, so obvioulsy these are not used for making your home smell nice.  I’ll stick with my coffee breakfast!

Its no wonder as an EMT I see so many overdoses!  It’s actually sad as some of the people who come in to buy beer first thing in the morning are the ones I pick up in the ambulance.   It’s sad to see how many people, young and old that die due to an overdose of drugs and alcohol.  I find it disheartening to see so many struggling with abuse.  I pray that my children stay away from the drugs and alcohol.  I hope that as they are both part of the ambulance company they will see what really happens to people when they get into situations of abuse and choose to stay away from them.   I do share with them the scary  things I see without breaking HIPA laws, in hopes that they will never take these paths.   I pray that it works better than any DARE program, which our schools took out due to budgeting.

“I pray my children stay ‘to smart to start’!” – Just Me Jewel

293 Days to go.

“If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful”

Standard

Day 70

Happy Valentine’s Day!

In honor of Valentines Day, I want to share one of my favorite songs of all times.  This was our wedding song and I share this with you all and to my loving husband whom I love with all my heart!

Whitney Houston
If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful (duet with Jermaine Jackson)

If you say my eyes are beautiful
It’s because they’re looking at you
And if you could only see yourself,
You’d feel the same way too.
You could say that I am a dreamer
Who’s had a dream come true,
If you say my eyes are beautiful
It’s because they’re looking at you.

If you wonder why I’m smilin’
It’s because I’m happy with you
And the warm sensations touch my heart
And fill me through and through,
I could hold you close forever
And never let you go
If you say my eyes are beautiful,
It’s because I just love you so.

Now, my heart is an open door
Won’t you come inside for more
You give love so sweetly now,
Take my love,
Take me completely now.

If you say my eyes are beautiful
It’s because they’re looking at you
And my eyes are just the windows,
For my feelings to come through,
And by far you are more beautiful
Than anything I ever knew,
If you say my eyes are beautiful
It’s because they’re looking at you.

Because this just happens to be by Whitney Houston, RIP, such a sad story.

“Have a very loved and blessed day!” – Just Me Jewel

396 Days to go.